Tips on how to Have Exhausting Conversations

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How to Have Hard Conversations

This point in our history is a time of accelerated healing and healing meditation is at the forefront of positive change! Being aware can help you touch those deep core wounds that you may have had since childhood that you don't even know are pressing on you.

We know that an emotional response occurs when we are triggered by something someone says or by an event that causes an outbreak. This outbreak may even seem inexplicable at the moment. We may wonder how we can have tough conversations with those who trigger us.

We know that emotional responses are tied to the past because we respond to the memory and meaning of that past experience. We see this culturally through events that cause violent reactions, be it in politics or in injustices in our culture.

This time of year is a great time to take care of your sanity and talk about emotional maturity in responding to triggers. This blog post focuses on a question I hear a lot: How do I have a difficult conversation with emotional awareness and intelligence?

We realize that there is tension in our communication when we have a strong sense of black and white. We may not wonder how to have difficult conversations, but rather avoid them because of the conflict. When you have a strong sense that this is right and that is wrong, it reflects a fear-based awareness, especially when there is no room for interpretation or interpersonal communication about what you are talking about.

When you have this scenario where one person is wrong and one person is right, there is no opportunity to have a connected conversation. Instead, the goal is to be tolerant and open and to have space for people who have different perspectives, opinions and beliefs than you.

This ability is a key characteristic of emotional maturity and intelligence. When you have the space for someone who is completely different from you and a willingness to listen to them, there is a great deal of emotional maturity to be open to their views and have a conversation based on your willingness to meet other people to accept.

We are also working towards this in our meditation practice at Sura Flow. We communicate on this topic because we have personally worked with thousands of other people around the world who deal with these topics in their daily lives as they train to guide others in the practice of meditation. We open this space so that consciousness can be opened to all. The goal is not to constantly degrade and criticize others for being like that. Those who polarize, target and blame others are not conducive to the space of presence and awareness of meditation.

We all have limits to be respected, but the intent is to be with others who have extreme differences without biting your tongue and keeping your peace for fear of what you might say.

So, if you are triggered by what someone did or said, intentionally or accidentally, by action or inaction, and feel that you are starting to have an emotional reaction, Follow these 7 steps to having difficult conversations and creating a space for healing.

How can you have tough conversations?

1. Contact the person who triggered you and request a conversation within 24 to 48 hours of the triggering event

One could simply say, “This event brought me something. Do you mind if we talk about it? "

Take the time to talk about it in person or over the phone. No text or emails full of complaints as there is no way to assess the verbal and non-verbal cues that are naturally part of the conversation.

There is so much that can be misrepresented through social media responses. There is something powerful in hearing someone's voice when you are talking about a difficult subject. Without the voice, you can lose that personal connection. So take some time that works for both of you. Sometimes we can better understand how to have difficult conversations if we put ourselves in each other's shoes and think about how we would like to be treated.

Schedule the follow-up interview within 24 to 48 hours of the triggering event. It can be difficult to have right away as you may still be emotionally responsive to the trigger. You need time to get perspective, to process what happened and to collect your thoughts. You are still in this reaction mode, which is characterized by fight or flight. So wait until you have calmed down and some energy has worn off.

Conversely, if you wait too long, the event will silence and much of the power of the event will be lost over time. Excuses also pile up the longer you wait, and those excuses become reasons not to have the important conversation. People even choose to give up friendships instead of experiencing temporary discomfort that help heal a relationship.

2. Be willing to listen to the other person without judging, defending, or explaining

Make this space available to listen to the other person. Listen while you stay grounded and anchored in your body.

3. Practice active listening by repeating what the other person said and asked, "Did I hear you correctly?"

This approach means you need to be willing to listen. Emotionally mature conversations mean that we are ready to see and hear one another. The key is to see, hear, and feel one another because we are all one. We are all connected. This approach shows positive intent because you are willing to understand and listen. You feel empathized with the other person even though they made you feel hurtful.

4. Express your truth fully, but calmly and without criticism, negativity, or guilt

Express yourself fully. Most people can! But also express yourself calmly. I remind others to stay grounded while they speak. You can get support from the earth. It keeps you from projecting your hurts on someone else or from doing someone else wrong.

You can even begin the conversation by saying, “Look, I'm just going to tell you what applies to me in this conversation. I don't want you to take this personally or as an attack, but I want you to know what comes to mind. "If you do, you will set the tone before you share.

5. After you've cleared the pain and conflict between you, take the time to agree on what the two of you can do to be more responsive next time

Hopefully, after hearing yourself and having this conversation about listening to the other person, you have eliminated the pain and conflict between you. Agree on what steps you will take to get better next time. "I will clarify with you before I assume anything about what you think" or "I understand this is what you need so I will do this differently next time."

In doing so, you take it a step further and show that you are ready to meet the other person's needs and wants. For example, some of us live carefree without paying much attention to schedules. Others live on their calendars. In this conflict, one person may need to realize how different they are from the other and be willing to do what the other person needs to live more harmoniously.

This topic is important for long-term personal and professional relationships and refers to information about difficult conversations at work. For more information on meditating at work, an ideal place for many people to confront triggers with others, see the following blog: https://suraflow.org/how-to-meditate-at-work/.

how to have tough conversations

6. Share love and appreciation with one another in this conversation

Share what you appreciate about the other person. You can always say, “Thank you for being ready and open to this conversation, and open to listening from my point of view.” This willingness to share helps repair the bond between two people. Learning how to deal with each other's flow is the key to harmonious relationships.

7. Agree and plan to spend time together in the future

When you spend time together, energy continues to flow through the connection and connection that you just mended. Be intentional on reconnecting with this person and share something inspirational that will turn your relationship into more positive energy.

Consider the following traits and principles that an individual may strive for over and over during difficult conversations:

  • Be respectful of one another. Treat everyone with a basic level of respect.
  • Make room for those who are different from you, especially those who think, believe, and live differently from you.
  • Purposely live this way to effect healing personally and collectively.
  • Be ready to have conversations without taking things personally or acting fragile.
  • Make an effort to interact with people in a way that is outward, not your ego and who you are.
  • Be present with people and listen as you empathize with what applies to the other person you are talking to.
  • Realize that many different realities and perspectives can coexist.
  • Real healing happens when we talk and communicate honestly with one another.
  • Make sure others are seen, heard, and felt when you talk to them.
  • Refrain from guilt, criticism, or negativity.
  • Be open, authentic, and vulnerable to others when conflicts arise.
  • Get rid of any expected results or pre-conceived ideas about how conversations will go. Approach the conversation with positive intentions and let the conversation flow organically.
  • Commit to changes in actions and behavior to meet the needs and intentions of others while respecting your own.
  • Meet halfway without any person having to put their own needs at risk.
  • Work on feeling safe within yourself to connect with and communicate with people. This requires a willingness, humility, and maturity to bridge the gap between you and others.
  • Healing meditation offers practice to give yourself space to deal with these difficult problems.

Instructions: 7 steps to a tough conversation

Follow These 7 Steps to Having Hard Conversations That Heal Relationships.

  1. Talk to the person who triggered you and request a conversation within 24 to 48 hours of the triggering event.
  2. Be willing to listen to the other person without judging, defending yourself, or explaining too much.
  3. Practice active listening by repeating what you heard from the other person and asking, "Did I hear you correctly?"
  4. Express your truth fully, but calmly and without criticism, negativity, or guilt.
  5. After you clear the pain and conflict between you, take the time to agree on what the two of you can do to be more responsive next time.
  6. Share love and appreciation with one another in this conversation.
  7. Agree and plan to spend time together in the future.

how to have tough conversations with emotional maturity

FAQs: How do I start a difficult conversation?

If you are wondering how to have tough conversations with those you spark, follow these steps to succeed.

  1. Approach the purpose that triggered you and request a conversation within 24 to 48 hours of the triggering event. Say, “That brought me something. Do you mind if we talk about it? "
  2. Take the time to talk about it in person or over the phone. No texts or e-mails filled with complaints, as the verbal and non-verbal cues of another, which are of course part of a conversation, cannot be assessed. There is so much that can be misrepresented through social media responses. There is something powerful in hearing someone's voice when you are talking about a difficult subject. You will lose that personal connection if you don't. So take some time that works for both of you. Sometimes we can better understand how to have difficult conversations if we put ourselves in each other's shoes and think about how we would like to be treated.
  3. Practice active listening by repeating what you heard from the other person and asking, "Did I hear you correctly?"
  4. Express your truth fully, but calmly and without criticism, negativity, or guilt.

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