How lower judgment can change your life
Have you ever analyzed your thoughts to see how judgmental they are? You may be shocked at the number of times you judge. Myself and a friend (a psychologist) are trying an experiment to be less judgmental. I can tell you that I have problems sometimes, but I know it's worth it. Like most things, it's just a habit that we work on and that we can change. I find that I have to realign my thoughts every day so that they are less judgmental and more accepting of myself and others.
Stopping the judgment cycle will likely make us happier and friendlier, so I'll keep my search. In fact, psychologists suggest that this may even have an impact on how healthy we are, both mentally (research shows lower rates of depression in less judgmental people) and physically (we tend to make better decisions when we are at a higher level in acceptance of others and we feel).
Have you ever noticed that when you are particularly tough you are also more likely to feel tired and overwhelmed (a chicken and egg scenario)? It is not surprising that all of these negative thoughts – directed inward or outward – absorb a lot of emotional energy and make us feel exhausted or even sick.
How does this happen?
Someone says or does something that we don't like. We judge it. We get angry or disappointed or angry. However, have we stopped trying to understand this person and why they might say or do these things?
Unfortunately, social media, and the media in general, has persuaded us to adopt a particularly nasty form of judgment, in which someone is judged only on their appearance or publicly devastated for their decisions. However, our children and teenagers are not really aware that most of the pictures they have seen have photoshops.
And let's not start with the nasty trend of "exposing" celebrities to their cellulite / wrinkles / muffin-topping – it might make us feel better about our own shortcomings in the short term, but really? Is that what it takes to feel good about yourself – to destroy someone else? Hopefully our children can learn to look at all of this with a largely cynical eye, but only if we teach them to.
But what's the harm?
Judgment can complete learning and create invisible barriers – think about it, like a "slut session" with friends – about others on your radar – you are more likely to feel isolated and depressed than anything, instead of feeling connected to friends. It ends compassion and understanding and closes horizons so that we end up living with a very limited worldview. We do it to feel more secure and secure, but it often makes it worse. Self-criticism, negative thinking, and crippling self-doubt. An inner voice that makes a running comment about someone else's mistakes and mistakes, or our own, is extremely harmful.
The only antidote is to find self-compassion for yourself as this will help you accept the flaws in others. Studies show that meditation can help improve self-compassion. However, this does not have to be formal. It could be easy to just have some quiet time alone – in nature or just lying on the bed and thinking positive thoughts about yourself and others.
6 steps to becoming less judgmental:
1. Depersonalize it: If someone disagrees with us or seems to complicate our lives in some way, remember that usually this is not about us at all. It's much more about their own pain or struggle. As Will Smith once said, “Never underestimate a person's pain, because honestly everyone struggles. Some people can hide it better than others. "
2.Stop being so hard on yourself: Have you ever noticed that the most judgmental people are often incredibly tough on themselves too? Leading shame expert and author Brene Brown comments in her book Daring Greatly: "We judge people in areas where we are prone to shame, especially when we select people who are worse off than us."
Brene suggests, “Feel good about yourself. When I am comfortable with my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's decisions. When I feel good about my body, I'm not making fun of other people's weight or looks. We're tough on each other because we use each other as a launch pad out of their own perceived lack. "
3. Slow down: try to catch yourself before you speak. You can't get your words back. Break. See if you can understand where the person may be from. We don't know the reasons for a person's behavior. try to give them the benefit of the doubt where possible. Do not act until you have thought about it (with a healthy dose of compassion for yourself and the other affected person).
4. B.e curious: Curiosity can be a great tool for overcoming judgmental attitudes. If you usually have judgmental thoughts, instead replace them with curiosity about some aspect of someone's behavior that you don't understand. Make an effort to be more curious, more open-minded, and accept another person – you feel really good!
You might try to think, "It's actually very interesting that you said that; I wonder where this is coming from? I wonder what happened to you in the past that made you react this way. "Or if, for example, someone passes you in a queue instead of judging you as very rude, keep in mind that you may be stressed or late for an appointment. You may not approve of their behavior, but you could try to understand rather than judge.
5. See the similarities: Remember, we are more alike than we think. When I feel critical of someone, I try to remind myself that the other person loves their family as much as I do and wants to be happy and free from pain or struggle just like me. This person also screws up and makes a lot of mistakes just like me.
6. Is it just close to the bone? Look at your own behavior. Sometimes we judge someone for something we do or have done ourselves.
For example, the next time you yell at someone about bad driving while you are in the car, or when you get annoyed by someone else's thoughtless, thoughtless comment, ask yourself, "Have I ever driven badly?" or "Have I ever said something insensitive without thinking?" Of course you have – we all have! Because we all share one thing – we are human!
There you have it, 6 steps to becoming less judgmental. Pick one of the tips for this weekend. See how you are doing, be honest, and check your performance on Monday morning. If it goes well, take one more step on board and give this a try. In a nutshell, the steps will be fully embedded, and you will be well on your way to becoming less judgmental and happier.