Do you often agree with others just to keep the peace? Or are you repeating a conversation in your head and regretting the things you didn't say? If you answered "yes", it is probably time to work on your assertiveness.
Some of us believe that being assertive will damage our relationships, but what about our most important relationship – the one we have with ourselves? At work, not speaking can lead to problems such as missed opportunities or a lack of diverse and creative ideas. If we fall into a pattern of staying calm in order to keep the peace, we are supposed to feel safe, but it does exactly the opposite. If we are not true to ourselves, it is the greatest threat of all.
Why is it so important?
Working on our assertiveness not only boosts our emotional health and well-being, but it also helps in our weight loss efforts as it is important to say no to that scone or slice of pizza at work – all those little decisions, as you know can lead to a great result.
A low enforcement score for your mental weight report (The report we produce every month for each customer, which gives a picture of their current habits and attitudes) means that the individual easily allows food to be pushed onto them, or that it is very difficult for them or friends to say no To tell friends or family members.
Not only does this make social situations more difficult – when it comes to consuming excess food and / or alcohol – but it also has implications for emotional eating, as the individual may feel driven or driven to eat after a situation in which they feel numb feels they couldn't stand up for themselves.
We believe assertiveness is an essential part of successful weight loss. Assertiveness means telling yourself, "I am important" and "I am valuable". Without this, no weight loss plan will be successful in the long term.
How did you get to this point?
People-lovers are people who think it is easier to avoid arguments than to disagree, or to express their own points of view or wishes. We see this personality trait quite often in our mental health reports. How you were raised can affect your assertiveness. As a child, did you have inappropriate responsibilities? Was there any expectation that you were "the simple one" who didn't ask anything of your parents? Or was there an unspoken "rule" for putting others first? In some women, they find that their gender alone can lead to this conditioning.
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Top tips for more assertiveness
No matter how many years you've suffered from low assertiveness, the good news is that there is something you can do about it. We see people change all the time. They change their habits and attitudes that have become established over the course of their lives. It is very possible and worthwhile to leave old ways of being behind and accept a new, more assertive you.
- Become more confident: When you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself whether it is pushing your boundaries, or whether you are agreeing to something you don't want to do, or whether you are agreeing to something that you definitely disagree with. Define what is happening. Take the time to think when you feel confused. Take the space and time it takes, then respond.
- Take responsibility for your own feelings, those of no one else: If someone else is upset, it is not your fault, even if you feel like you "triggered" it. We are all only responsible for our own feelings. Sometimes we have to say difficult things that are true and there may be a negative reaction (i.e. someone else's anger), but we cannot take responsibility for those feelings, only for our own.
- Strive for honesty: being true to yourself, feeling better about yourself and being kinder to others – then you know where you stand. Try to tell your truth from the heart and don't be afraid to offend or upset anyone.
- Accept that some confrontation is inevitable (and even essential).: It is impossible (and unhealthy) to expect to go through life without disagreements with others. If you are tired of taking a walk, now is the time to act differently. All it takes is a little honesty and a little courage. This simply means that you express your opinion / feeling about something in a way that is respectful not only to others but also to yourself.
- Focus on a good one relationship: Think of a relationship where it is easy for you to be yourself and to express your views – possibly with your partner, friend, sister, brother, parent or colleague. Think about how it differs from another relationship where you feel threatened. Could you draw on this positive relationship and apply similar answers to the challenging one? People who value you enough can tolerate differences of opinion. In a healthy relationship, all views can be expressed and respected.
- Use the "I" instead of "you": Using "I" instead of "You language" sounds less confrontational. Try to say, "I disagree with you" rather than "You are wrong". Or instead of saying, "You've made this cake and I'll feel guilty if I don't try one," say, "I really appreciate the cake that is available, but I'm sticking to my healthy diet." Plan, so no thanks & # 39 ;.
- Ask for help: Some women and men who do everything around the house after a long day at work say how tired they are and understandably get angry. The new, assertive way is to speak up and ask partners and / or children for help. This approach is a lot fairer to the people around you than it makes you grumpy and feeling frustrated most of the time.
- Before a confrontation: When you know that a confrontation or difficult convergence is approaching, your body language is just as important as a firm, confident tone of voice. Check out this fascinating video on Power Stance.
- Show compassion after a conflict: Be proud of yourself for telling your truth – it takes courage. And remember, it is better to tolerate someone getting angry than to bend over backwards at everyone else's desires. In the longer term, you'll be much better off, both emotionally and physically, because you end up putting yourself first.
It takes practice, but anyone can learn to be assertive. Write your stories down and share them when you've gone from being a people lover to a much more confident person – we'd love to be inspired by you!