Self-pity can happen to any of us, and it can happen even when we least expect it. Life can be normal, but then something happens that shocks our world. We're going through a tough time and it feels so hard. But when we get into despair and self-pity, negativity can take control of our lives and soon things can be worse than ever. And if this happens during your weight loss, you probably want to toss in the towel.
Begin to see self-pity for what it is – an unhealthy, destructive state of mind that can lead to depression and isolation. We know it can negatively affect relationships and widen the gap between loved ones. In self-pity mode, we are often angry with others for not doing enough or saying the right thing. But are we actually asking for the help we need, or are we just assuming they know? Are we communicating how hard things are feeling for us, or are we just hitting resentments?
See the challenge as an opportunity
Every experience is an opportunity to learn. By stepping out of the self-destruction associated with self-pity, we learn to communicate honestly and openly with our fellow human beings. In this way we can learn to treat any heartache and pain, to remind us that something beautiful can come out of almost any situation. Self-compassion, not self-pity, is the way to develop the stamina we need to keep moving towards our dreams. By interrupting our negative self-talk and silencing our inner self-critic, life can open up to us in a whole new way and turn the very difficult time into a redeeming time.
5 ways to move away from self-pity
1. Shift the negative bias: If you focus on everything that goes wrong in your life, it will not only induce self-pity, it will also lead to paralysis.
You will stop moving forward and your life will stop moving forward – is this really what you want? Maybe you think you do – you feel like giving up. But the only person you really give up is yourself. Now try to make a list of the things you are grateful for in your life: the support you have and the people you love. Write down the little blessings that you are likely to take for granted – hopefully you will have the ability to walk unaided, using your hands and legs to the full – so as not to lessen what you are going through, but to reshape yours Experience so you can see it from a new perspective.
2. Try to be resourceful: Being embroiled in self-pity ruins any chance of seeing new ways as they appear.
Being angry, or angry, or wallowing at how hard it is will only make you worse. As you change your focus, you can use this opportunity to grow stronger and achieve better things in your life. Think about how you can use your current resources to make things better, or how you can take on certain challenges so that something good can come of it. Is there a hidden lesson in all of this for you?
3. Move in self-compassion: Self-pity and self-compassion are two very different things.
We often hear conflicting messages like "allow yourself to feel what you feel," but then we are told to look on the good side. It is important that you take the time to lick your wounds and honor your feelings. Allow yourself to feel frustration, sadness, and pain. Talk to someone you trust and express those emotions in a constructive way. Self-compassion means being your own guardian, best friend, and healer rather than a critic. Take care of yourself, be patient, and accept that you will make mistakes.
4. Stop accusing: Some people focus on uncomfortable feelings by convincing themselves that they are suffering more than those around them.
They are busy counting on what they don't have and what to do with what they have. It is a dangerous cycle to get into and it will only get out of control. Other people have their own struggles. Turn your attention away from others and yourself. It is 100 percent your responsibility to move on and try to make the most of your life. And your attitude is 100 percent your responsibility. Choose to feel sorry for yourself or try to make the best of a bad situation – it may not be easy, but it is your choice.
5. Let go: Sometimes we stew in self-pity as a result of an obsession with control.
We fear what's on the other side when we let go. and that it could be painful (we humans sometimes want to avoid pain at all costs!). However, it is time to accept that there are some situations that we cannot control. We cannot control other people. Give in, however hard it is. Stop denying how difficult things are; Try to be honest with yourself and those you love about how you are feeling. Let yourself be vulnerable and weak. Allow yourself to feel these feelings, no matter how painful they are. Ask for help. And remind yourself that you are worthy and lovable no matter what happened in your past or what is happening now. You are beautiful and perfect the way you are.