Studying To Be taught To Let Go

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Learn to let go

Are you ready? Are you ready to learn to let go of all the old ways of being that no longer serve you? Are you ready to live the life you've always wanted to live? And is this life one where you treat your body with respect and admiration, and nourish it with healthy food, exercise, and maybe even mindful meditation to calm your soul? If you're motivated, we'll help you learn what's blocking you (through our monthly mental weight reports). We have seen clients who initially have serious mental blocks – that have built up over a lifetime – move forward and, becoming aware of them, release them. Consciousness is everything to us. It is the moment when we open our eyes to our true selves and our potential.

A caged animal

I am inspired by a one-day course I recently took that is aptly named "Escape your Cage". It was just about breaking free of old beliefs that have suffocated and held you captive and stepping into a new, freer life. These are ways of being that we had to choose in order to be loved as children – defenses like perfectionism, philanthropy, feelings of guilt, cheating syndrome, and so on. These are things that keep us small and limit our full development to all that we can be. They are also a way of being that often gets people stuck in bad habits and underpins the cause of a weight problem or other addictions.

One of my favorite quotes on this is from Og Mandino, the most widely read inspirational and self-helping author. He said, “… Most of us build prisons for ourselves and after we have occupied them for a period of time we get used to their walls and accept the false premise that we are locked up for life. As soon as we are seized by this belief, we give up hope of ever doing more with our lives and ever giving our dreams a chance to be fulfilled. We become puppets and suffer living deaths. It may be commendable and noble to sacrifice your life to some cause or business or the happiness of others, but if you are miserable and unfulfilled in this lifestyle and you know it, then it is hypocrisy, a lie, and staying in it is a denial of the faith your Creator placed in you. "

These "rules" or beliefs are stored in the automatic part of our brain, where they fester and keep us trapped. You are passed out. Only when a crisis like anxiety, depression, or a serious weight problem or addiction occurs, does someone do something about it. The key is to bring these defenses into consciousness and then let them go. For many people, therapy is critical in achieving this. Alternatively, there are a few recommended books listed below as a good place to start.

So what has to die?

This is the question from speaker Elzaan Marnane, Principal Clinical Psychologist at Core Clinical in Dublin. What way of being, of thinking or of feeling do we have to kill now in order to be successful in the next part of our life? This reminds me of a phrase used in the fiction “Kill your darlings,” the term coined by Nobel Prize winner William Faulkner. They are “darlings” because they were created with a purpose – they were defenses we used to make sure we were loved as children. Not using them meant we risked rejection. In a way, they served us – but only in childhood. Now is the time to let her go.

Here came the fun part. Elzaan gave us black cardboard coffins and pieces of paper. On the paper we should write a few defenses that had to die. For me, perfectionism and the idea that I should never make mistakes were the most important. Also, I made it a commitment to stop blaming myself for everything – it's not all my fault! Sometimes things are out of my control and I have to remember that I am always trying to do my best. Sometimes “good enough” is where it has to be. This exercise was brilliant in that I will keep coming back to my head (and heart) to release old ways that hold me tight.

The zombies

However, Elzaan reminded us that the old "zombies" will keep jumping back on us, so this is an ongoing process. We have to keep putting these zombies in the coffin where they belong. As part of this, awareness is required – which is what it means for me to stop automatically acting, feeling, or reacting and becoming more aware of the ways I are. Now I can – hopefully without judgment – say, "Ah, I can see that I'm defensive there. I can see the old zombies popping up. I'm blaming myself again. That's interesting. Why am I doing this? And what can I do do to let go of that? ”.

What intrigued me was Elzaan's statement about big changes. According to her and other psychologists, the zombies are sometimes strongest when we are about to make a major change or a life change. But this is often a sign that you are about to do something big. For example, what might feel like a "mid-life crisis" might actually be what Brene Brown calls a "mid-life breakthrough". This could be the breakthrough you've wanted to make for years. And it could change everything.

Learning to Let Go (Videos and Books)

Judgment Detox: Free The Beliefs That Hold You From Living a Better Life by Gabby Bernstein

Finding meaning in the second half of James Hollis' life

Gabby Bernstein video interview with Marie Forleo.

Brene Brown on the feeling of not being "enough" with her lecture "The Gifts of Imperfection".

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